Sunday, April 18, 2010

Warming Up For The Retreat...

The nerves have set in. T minus 11 days until I sit in front of a large group of sisters in Christ to give a short talk on "perseverance through faith". Mind you, a group of 3 people is large to me when it comes to speaking.

I was absolutely blown away to be asked, because two of my dearest friends are also speaking, and I often feel like I don't belong in the same room with them when it comes to something like this. But what was I going to Okay, so I said no twice. But the gal asking...showed perseverance.

I've been studying for weeks now, reading books about temptation and doing the trademark "go to index of Bible, look up "perseverance" and "faith", and write synopsis accordingly. That's so high school/college of me. What worked then to earn me decent grades won't fly in a room full of ladies expecting me to be profound. They'll see right through it, then ms will take over, I'll transpose my words, turn into Porky Pig, "per per perseverance me me me means...". Trainwreck. What's good for a Lady Gaga song, is not so good for a retreat!

I'm finding that nothing has changed with how I've always learned best, which was not at all by books, but by experience. Last night was a huge test.

We've all got our personal struggles, right? So I tried to shield myself from mine ahead of time, because I'm a control freak like that. Has ms taught me nothing over the years? That I'm in control of pretty much nothing where my circumstances are concerned? What I think I can control, I...can't. I received the equivalent of a college level blue book test. I did so well with those that my Advisor sent me to the campus shrink to find out what my deal was. I couldn't even write my name on them, due to extreme "Test Anxiety".

I still have test anxiety, but I also have faith. So last night, when the blue book test equivalent came my way, I spent every bathroom trip in prayer. And let me tell ya, I've been on a 20 minute bladder schedule! I realized that I was being shown that studying is great, but the real power is in believing and living the words.

And I think it really helped me to know that, even if I completely bomb my 15 minutes of speaking, it's okay. I passed the test again. So test? One thing to say to you. PPPFFFFLLLLLT!

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