Sunday, April 4, 2010

Easter - Jesus and Whales and Pebbles

Happy Easter morning, everyone!

I'm sitting here with a mighty fine cup of coffee, listening to acoustic alternative music, feeling rather chillaxed. Yes, I'm old...but I'm somewhat well versed in my Urban Dictionary. I work with teenagers. Need to know how to communicate with them. Back when I was a teen, we didn't have an Urban Dictionary to Google. Well, we didn't have Google. Wait. We didn't even have the internet. Commodore 64 users! Are you with me!?!

Yesterday, ms was doing its best to make me feel guilty. Like in the afternoon, my kids were hanging at my parents' place. Mom had called to say that she hoped the kids wouldn't mind, she had to take a quick nap. I replied, "oh please, they've grown up understanding naptime!" When they were toddlers, I used to have to close them in my fully kid proofed bedroom with me so I could sleep the ms meds off...or just sleep the symptoms away. Whichever. I got to thinking about the time my son commented to his little friend, "my mommy doesn't do that" when the friend talked of playing outside with his mother. And the times I had olympic level wrecks in front of them. Falling from the very top step as I carried a basket of laundry down the stairs, having enough body awareness to plunge my head into the clothing to protect that, but knocking the wind out of myself 'til I got to the bottom. And the time I fell at a birthday party my son was attending in kindergarten, knocking myself unconscious, but being cool enough to refuse the ambulance. Ever try to tough out a concussion? Standing upright all, "nah, I'm good", but you're swaying and trying not to blow chunks on the people up in your grill all, "we're going to call an ambulance". Lady...your best bet would be to take 3 steps to the right.

Last night, we were hanging out with friends and I'd asked my husband to do a thing or two, like carry the trash outside or something. My friend's husband joked, "sheesh, you're putting the guy to work!" Yep. The days of serving him things as he sits in his chair ended circa 2003. So are the days of a really clean house. There are times I feel bad about all of that. My husband works 3 jobs. I sometimes wish I could be the wife I was from 1994-2003. As pretty/stylish friend says, "guilt is overrated". Indeed.

I'm going to plagiarize for a moment, but only because I feel it could bless someone. A friend of mine also blogs about ms, and this is a thought of hers that is really insightful...inspired by a walk on the beach and a beautiful pebble she found.

"MS, like many things in life....strikes without warning. You never know what it's throwing at you.... or which way it might be throwing you. It's easy to get caught up in the waves and be tossed ass-over-tea-kettle before you even realize what's happening. But isn't that the same thing that produced this amazing little beautiful pebble? You see, the constant tossing of the waves.... the disruption and confusion.... it polished out the rough spots.... smoothed over the flaws.... and produced something more compact, more beautiful, more resilient."

Kudos, hole-bearing friend! I have read this paragraph over and over, during both highs and lows. I'm so that pebble.

I've been studying the book of Jonah and relate on a certain level. I didn't know God from 1972-1999, despite His many attempts at reaching out. Looking back B.C., I always had "the door out", so to speak. You know, where you can make the right choice or the wrong one? There was a way out, but I was too stubborn and proud to take it. Then along came a condition that essentially reduced me to full dependency on something I can't see. What I can't see, however, I can feel. Even if I can't feel a part of my body, I can always feel God's presence.

Jonah had to chill out in a whale for a few days, because he was too stubborn and proud to do what God wanted. MS is my whale. God loved me enough to see me through the "constant tossing of the waves...disruption and confusion" so that He could produce something more beautiful and resilient. I'm still not there, but I'm further along than I ever was, and maybe that's more of a blessing to my kids than whether or not they grew up in a spotless house or played outside with me. Maybe they'll know to draw closer to God when the waves get to kickin'. I'm thankful that He cared enough about me to look for me. I couldn't do ms without Him.

May you be blessed this Easter by the gift our Lord has given us...the gift of eternal life! A life free of illness, sadness, and poor bladder function! Sorry, Potty Queen...we won't need you in heaven:-)

'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

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