Sunday, April 25, 2010

Healthy Living w/MS Quiz - I Fail

Yep, I failed. But come on, it was one of those "10 question" tests. Miss 2, you're already down to a B. I missed 7. I should ground myself. No laundry for a week! No! Not that! According to Dr. Julie, I'm decreasing my life expectancy with MS.

I'll detail Julie's list, then admit my shortcomings accordingly. Join me, won't you?

1. Think Positive About Aging: Fail. I hate my birthday. Totally not getting out of bed on my 40th. As if that will somehow make it not be. I hate my grays that pop through on a 3-4 week schedule...though I love to be a brunette with blonde or red highlights, or no highlights at all. I hate that I feel every sports injury I've ever incurred. Though I don't feel my 2 fake teeth. Lost those in a home plate collision with a catcher's helmet. Seriously, she couldn't take the mask off? You're supposed to, and this is you don't knock a girl's teeth out. It's okay, however. I was safe. And these teeth are better than my others, 'cause they have gold posts. I got "grillz"!

2. Eat Well: Fail. Unless 80cc of caffeine = acceptable. And enough sugar in the coffee to make a spoon stand straight up. Sure, I get antioxidants by making dark berry smoothies every day, but that's the extent of the healthy eating. I'm simply too exhausted to cook a meal of fabulosity by the time I log a 10hr workday in. Smoothie and corn chips for dinner? Why yes, that sounds delicious!

3. Move Your Body: PASS! I walk to the bathroom every 20 minutes, then pull on the toilet paper, wad it up, and apply! Plus, I walk a few miles with pretty/stylish friend during the week! I also have to put the frozen fruit and half/half and sugar into my dark berry smoothie. I then have to wash out the blender. Plenty of exercise! And yes, pretty/stylish friend is still pretty and stylish, even after a 3 mile walk. If you call a ripped, 2 size too large t-shirt with clown-esque sweatpants stylish...then I'm your girl! As for pretty, I'm too busy waiting for the feeling to come back in my legs to make a fair assessment. I'm sure I look fantastic. Pffft!

4. Keep Your Brain Sharp: PASS! I'll never forget my dr informing me that I should accept that my "days of multi-tasking are over". Doctor please! You must be trippin'! Multi-tasking is my middle much so that I already HAVE a middle name!

5. Relax: Fail. Who has time to relax with a 50+ hour work week? And 2 kids? And a basset hound? And a husband? Fail, fail, and fail.

6. Maintain A Healthy Weight: Fail. Sweetie, if I can't walk more than a few miles without losing feeling in my legs, how can I maintain a healthy weight? Unless you're saying I should eliminate the sugar in the 80cc of caffeine and the smoothies. In which case, I politely request that you jam it.

7. Be Social: PASS! I LOVE to socialize! Don't get me wrong, I've gone through some pretty nasty bouts of depression over the years. Took medication for a little while early in the condition. And once in a great while, if that feeling washes over me, I'll withdraw and dive into my Bible. The blessing is having friends who understand and support me in a quiet, loving manner. Bottom line...I've got incredible friends!

8. Be On Top Of Your MS: Fail. First of all, it isn't mine. Secondly, Dr. Julie states in her article that I'm supposed to have regular check ups to monitor "my" MS. Yeah, I heard about those. I'm supposed to go every 3 months, which translates to every 8 or 9 for me. I don't like those appts. I hate the safety pin. If there were no safety pin involved, I'd go every 3 months. Well, that and if my copay wasn't $50. But it's more about the pin. "Is this sharp or dull?" Are you kidding me? I'M BLEEDING! It's flippin' SHARP!

9. Get Help: Fail. I'm not asking someone to cook meals for my family, or come clean my home, or do my grocery shopping, or run my kids around to their events. I'm much, much too proud...and quite possibly a little too stubborn...for all of that!

10. Focus On Sleep: Fail. Just fail.

So there you have it, a 30%. Julie says I'm not going to live long with MS. I'll tell you what I'm NOT living for, and that's MS. As long as I'm living for God, I'll have done my part.

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