Sunday, April 14, 2013

Guilt Be Gone

I woke up this morning feeling absolutely awful.  Similar to that feeling you have after you've been in a car accident.  Or fall down 10 steps.

Not at all like when you fall down 5 steps or less.  This was definitely a '10-step-fall' feeling.

So I went back to bed.

Back to bed on a glorious Sunday morning, as my family members woke up in happy, joyous moods.  We love Sunday mornings for the time we get to spend at worship with each other and with our church family.  There was a beautiful breeze blowing.  The birds were singing.  My hounds were laying out on the deck, sunning themselves. Everything around me was just wonderful and peaceful and perfect...

But I couldn't stand the pressure of what felt like a head the size of 5 watermelons crushing down upon my neck.  I had a choice.  Actually, no. I did not give myself a choice. I went back to bed and placed the burden of my watermelonous head pillow.

Why is 'watermelonous' coming up in my spell check?  That's totally a word. If it's not, it should be.

You know, I used to feel guilty for laying around during such beautiful weather days.  I used to feel guilty if I missed going to church with my family because of how physically wrecked I felt.  I used to feel guilty for remaining in my pajamas all day.  I used to feel like my family thought of me as an annoyance, or worse...lazy.  "Lazy" was always a very, very bad word growing up in my family.

Know what?  I'm so over that.

My near 14yrs of living with ms have taught me much.  One of the biggest things I've learned?  Is that guilt has no place here.  Living with chronic illness is challenging enough without the additional drama of every expectation I was placing on myself.

Totally over that.  Or at least I am today.

:::one day at a time mentality:::

And it's just one of the many reasons I love the second half of the Serenity Prayer :-)

God, grant me the Serenity

To accept the things I cannot change...
Courage to change the things I can,
And Wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time,

Enjoying one moment at a time,

Accepting hardship as the pathway to peace.

Taking, as He did, this sinful world as it is,

Not as I would have it.

Trusting that He will make all things right

if I surrender to His will.

That I may be reasonably happy in this life,

And supremely happy with Him forever in the next.