Flare - Day 6

Well good morning, MS! That's what I said today, out loud, drawing the stares of, "what the?" from my collection of 3 cats and 1 basset hound...all carefully positioned strategically around my body as I awoke this morning. While people may not know when I'm experiencing a flare, my animals always do. And they stick closer than glue. Trust me. Closer. They're more like suppositories than pets when I'm anything less than fully well.

Physical inventory began this morning as it always does. I heard the alarm? Check. I saw the clock? Check. Wait a minute. When I looked to the clock, which is on my left...did I just get dizzy? Redo. Yeah, dizzy. Insert swear word. Animals all lifted their heads in synchronized waking fashion. Followed by, "well good morning, MS!"

There's an article called "When MS Attacks". The title is a little funny to me, but my sense of humor always was just a tad bit off. It has great advice, however. Says I'm supposed to "baby" myself. Sleep more. Stay hydrated. Let me tell you, staying hydrated = even more trips to the bathroom. The most sleep I can get at once is about 3 hours or so. Don't get me wrong...praise God that I wake when I have to go, because what a romance killer THAT would be! "Honey, you're so beautiful...as you lay there in your own urine". Why thank you, hon! You're pretty cute, yourself:-) Honestly, he'd probably say it. That's the kind of man I'm blessed with. He didn't sign up for any of this, but he still comes home from work every night and collapses into bed over there, to the left side of me. My whole world spins as I gaze at him, consumed with love. Wait, it's not my love for him that makes my world spin. It's this flare...

The next paragraph of the article says I shouldn't get discouraged that my disease-modifying drugs aren't working. Well that's good, 'cause I haven't been able to take those in about 7 years. This past week has reminded me that I'm fully and completely dependent on God. He never promises that things will be rosey and swell...Brady Bunch fans, are you with me? In fact, it says the opposite in my Bible. But He does promise to carry me through the storm, and that's all I can ask for.

Romans 5:3 ...but we also rejoice in our afflictions, because we know that affliction produces endurance, endurance produces proven character, and proven character produces hope. This hope does not disappoint...

It's Official...

...it's a "significant" flare. As opposed to minimal flares, regular flares, and pseudoexacerbations. It leaves me to wonder...is this like when you Biggie size your fries?

The blessing is that it began Saturday and, in my typical fashion, it started off very slow. I'm into Day 4 and this is the worst thusfar. Here's to hoping tomorrow is a little better, and the next day, and so on. I'm too busy for this. Way. Too. Busy.

If I move my eyes even slightly from center to the left, it's like riding the Zodiac (aka fast spinnie thing). And, if I look far ahead and try to focus on an object, well...that sucks too. Yes, I said sucks and I meant it. "Sucks" was a swear word when I was a child, so I'm getting in touch with my inner bad girl right there. I'm like the woman in those Carrabba's commercials..."big ball of hate right now". I am the BBOH, because I'm not only spinning, but also have a headache from it and feel nauseous. The blessing is that my sight is clear, and what a blessing that is. I've been there and done that...where I've completely lost half of my field of vision in one eye, lost color in the bottom half, had giant black spots, saw squigglies, etc. I get really, really annoyed when my eyes come under fire. Biggie sized annoyed.

Yesterday, I had to leave work early because of this. I was completely out of dog and cat food, as well as people food. That meant I had to stop at the grocery store to grab a handful of things so that my family could keep running seamlessly during my time on injured reserve. Since I couldn't look to the left, at least not without nearly falling, I shopped the right sides of each aisle. Thankfully, most of what we needed was on the right. It was a thing of beauty! Toilet paper was on the left, but come on...there's no WAY I'm leaving something as critical as that behind. Heck, I'd crawl down the aisle for toilet paper!

I also felt something else yesterday that I've not felt in years...sorry for myself! What's that about? Woman! Get ahold of yourself! That's one emotion I can't even comprehend, much less allow myself to feel for any length of time. It's like sauerkraut soup, something which is beyond all understanding. And, like sauerkraut soup, I will politely refuse it. Sorry, self-pity. No soup for you...

So yeah, that's it in a nutshell. My choices at this point are a course of steroids...or a course of steroids. Hmm. Last time I took those, I came down with shingles, took handfuls of Neurontin for pain, and thought mowing the grass was a great idea. It wasn't. I do have a 3rd choice. I can wait it out. I'm in my husband's old sweats and I have the rest of the day off (because I have perhaps THE best boss ever). Time to get a Biggie sized nap in. You never know...I just might wake up with the ability to look to the left!

Healthy Living w/MS Quiz - I Fail

Yep, I failed. But come on, it was one of those "10 question" tests. Miss 2, you're already down to a B. I missed 7. I should ground myself. No laundry for a week! No! Not that! According to Dr. Julie, I'm decreasing my life expectancy with MS.

I'll detail Julie's list, then admit my shortcomings accordingly. Join me, won't you?

1. Think Positive About Aging: Fail. I hate my birthday. Totally not getting out of bed on my 40th. As if that will somehow make it not be. I hate my grays that pop through on a 3-4 week schedule...though I love to be a brunette with blonde or red highlights, or no highlights at all. I hate that I feel every sports injury I've ever incurred. Though I don't feel my 2 fake teeth. Lost those in a home plate collision with a catcher's helmet. Seriously, she couldn't take the mask off? You're supposed to, and this is why...so you don't knock a girl's teeth out. It's okay, however. I was safe. And these teeth are better than my others, 'cause they have gold posts. I got "grillz"!

2. Eat Well: Fail. Unless 80cc of caffeine = acceptable. And enough sugar in the coffee to make a spoon stand straight up. Sure, I get antioxidants by making dark berry smoothies every day, but that's the extent of the healthy eating. I'm simply too exhausted to cook a meal of fabulosity by the time I log a 10hr workday in. Smoothie and corn chips for dinner? Why yes, that sounds delicious!

3. Move Your Body: PASS! I walk to the bathroom every 20 minutes, then pull on the toilet paper, wad it up, and apply! Plus, I walk a few miles with pretty/stylish friend during the week! I also have to put the frozen fruit and half/half and sugar into my dark berry smoothie. I then have to wash out the blender. Plenty of exercise! And yes, pretty/stylish friend is still pretty and stylish, even after a 3 mile walk. If you call a ripped, 2 size too large t-shirt with clown-esque sweatpants stylish...then I'm your girl! As for pretty, I'm too busy waiting for the feeling to come back in my legs to make a fair assessment. I'm sure I look fantastic. Pffft!

4. Keep Your Brain Sharp: PASS! I'll never forget my dr informing me that I should accept that my "days of multi-tasking are over". Doctor please! You must be trippin'! Multi-tasking is my middle name...so much so that I already HAVE a middle name!

5. Relax: Fail. Who has time to relax with a 50+ hour work week? And 2 kids? And a basset hound? And a husband? Fail, fail, and fail.

6. Maintain A Healthy Weight: Fail. Sweetie, if I can't walk more than a few miles without losing feeling in my legs, how can I maintain a healthy weight? Unless you're saying I should eliminate the sugar in the 80cc of caffeine and the smoothies. In which case, I politely request that you jam it.

7. Be Social: PASS! I LOVE to socialize! Don't get me wrong, I've gone through some pretty nasty bouts of depression over the years. Took medication for a little while early in the condition. And once in a great while, if that feeling washes over me, I'll withdraw and dive into my Bible. The blessing is having friends who understand and support me in a quiet, loving manner. Bottom line...I've got incredible friends!

8. Be On Top Of Your MS: Fail. First of all, it isn't mine. Secondly, Dr. Julie states in her article that I'm supposed to have regular check ups to monitor "my" MS. Yeah, I heard about those. I'm supposed to go every 3 months, which translates to every 8 or 9 for me. I don't like those appts. I hate the safety pin. If there were no safety pin involved, I'd go every 3 months. Well, that and if my copay wasn't $50. But it's more about the pin. "Is this sharp or dull?" Are you kidding me? I'M BLEEDING! It's flippin' SHARP!

9. Get Help: Fail. I'm not asking someone to cook meals for my family, or come clean my home, or do my grocery shopping, or run my kids around to their events. I'm much, much too proud...and quite possibly a little too stubborn...for all of that!

10. Focus On Sleep: Fail. Just fail.

So there you have it, a 30%. Julie says I'm not going to live long with MS. I'll tell you what I'm NOT living for, and that's MS. As long as I'm living for God, I'll have done my part.

My Favorite MS Experiences

I don't know why, but I was sitting here enjoying my lunch break, thinking of some of my favorite experiences with MS.

3) Went to the Cleveland Clinic for a 2nd opinion. I'm not sure why I drove to Cleveland with my husband to have fancy neurologists look at MRI scans that even I could see lesions on in order to have them say, "yep, looks like holes, lady. Sucks to be you!", but I did! I remember standing at the pier with my husband and contemplating whether or not it had crossed his mind to throw me in. Obviously, if it had, he didn't act upon it.

2) Went to the University of Delaware for a whole different reason than I had circa 1990-1993:-) It was some sort of study they were doing. That's where they didn't know which one of us, my husband or I, had MS. And where the psychologist was convinced I wasn't accepting the fact that I had "a life-long, debilitating disease". Wow, that's deep. And when she persisted in trying to break me down, I had informed her that I would NOT cry over it. The tissues on the table should've warned me. Drama zone! No thanks. MS doesn't deserve my tears or anyone else's...move on to the next patient, girlfriend!


Back in 2006, I had the worst flare ever. I couldn't go more than a handful of steps without falling. Stupid legs quit on me. I needed a walking aide, but was too afraid/proud to get one. My kids didn't know, I didn't want to open myself up to all the questions, and most of all...I didn't want people to worry. So I took my prednisone like a good girl, stayed seated as much as humanly possible, and pretended everything was fine. Then I got shingles from being on pred, enter my good friend "Neurontin", some other pain relief narcotics, a brand new John Deere tractor, and you've got yourself a story!

1) Sky high, I decided that the grass needed cut. Mistook gas for brake, planted tractor nose squarely into car door. The Chevy Tahoe my husband loved as much as me. I know this, because when I called to tell him what I did, the conversation went like:

Me: "Hon, (insert laughter, because I couldn't stop cracking up) I just drove the tractor into the Tahoe."
Him: "OMG! How's the tractor!?!" - we just had it delivered a few days prior
Me: "it's totally fine, just has white paint all over the front of it"
Him: "How's the Tahoe!?!"
Me: "eh...I'm gonna be honest, it's not good" (still laughing)
Him: "HOLY $#%^! HOW BAD IS IT?"
Me: "I can't get the door open. It's bad. But thanks for askin' about me, hon"
Him: "YOU ARE LAUGHING!!!"
Me: "yeah, true. I didn't feel a thing! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!"


Come on, that's just funny. I didn't care much for that car anyway. Friends shouldn't let friends mow on Neurontin. Just sayin'.

I'm seriously hoping not to top those...

Warming Up For The Retreat...

The nerves have set in. T minus 11 days until I sit in front of a large group of sisters in Christ to give a short talk on "perseverance through faith". Mind you, a group of 3 people is large to me when it comes to speaking.

I was absolutely blown away to be asked, because two of my dearest friends are also speaking, and I often feel like I don't belong in the same room with them when it comes to something like this. But what was I going to say...no? Okay, so I said no twice. But the gal asking...showed perseverance.

I've been studying for weeks now, reading books about temptation and doing the trademark "go to index of Bible, look up "perseverance" and "faith", and write synopsis accordingly. That's so high school/college of me. What worked then to earn me decent grades won't fly in a room full of ladies expecting me to be profound. They'll see right through it, then ms will take over, I'll transpose my words, turn into Porky Pig, "per per perseverance me me me means...". Trainwreck. What's good for a Lady Gaga song, is not so good for a retreat!

I'm finding that nothing has changed with how I've always learned best, which was not at all by books, but by experience. Last night was a huge test.

We've all got our personal struggles, right? So I tried to shield myself from mine ahead of time, because I'm a control freak like that. Has ms taught me nothing over the years? That I'm in control of pretty much nothing where my circumstances are concerned? What I think I can control, I...can't. I received the equivalent of a college level blue book test. I did so well with those that my Advisor sent me to the campus shrink to find out what my deal was. I couldn't even write my name on them, due to extreme "Test Anxiety".

I still have test anxiety, but I also have faith. So last night, when the blue book test equivalent came my way, I spent every bathroom trip in prayer. And let me tell ya, I've been on a 20 minute bladder schedule! I realized that I was being shown that studying is great, but the real power is in believing and living the words.

And I think it really helped me to know that, even if I completely bomb my 15 minutes of speaking, it's okay. I passed the test again. So test? One thing to say to you. PPPFFFFLLLLLT!

Objects In Peripheral View Are Closer...

...than they appear. Well, some days, at least. And days like this are those in which ms is just plain funny! Well, some days, at least.

And the funniest thing is...I don't know it's that kind of day until I head to the bedroom door, which is the magical gateway to the beginning of my day! How do I know it's that day? Easy. I bang into the door knob of the fully opened door.

Today's that day. I now have a fancy bruise on my right hip that matches the one I incurred several weeks ago...the one where I was at work, trying to schmooze the family who was touring our school? And I briskly got up from the desk to retrieve paperwork? And I wrecked myself on the desk? Yeah. That bruise is nearly gone, but never fear! A new one is now here.

Funniest moment of the day occurred while I was at the drugstore, getting a couple of prescriptions filled for my daughter. On my way out, I decided I'd use the furthest aisle to walk down. They're always roomiest, not many people shopping over there, should be good! No.

Had my purse on my right shoulder (which is always the side I can't judge) and ended up whacking several containers of make up that were hanging on the pegs. Make up all over the floor. I stopped and picked each one up...people looking at me all funny. Probably wondering, "wonder if she's drunk or high?"

After restocking the shelf I nearly emptied, I was trying to hurry my way out of the store. I was coming to a break in the aisle, which was to my left. I was walking at a high rate of speed, hoping no one would carelessly enter my path of travel when...EEEEK! Someone was suddenly right on top of me! I jumped and yelled! "ARGH!" Wait. There's no one there. Oh...it was just the sunglass display thing? Yeah, it had those mirrors on the sides, the ones that are about 3" wide and 3' tall? I had to take two steps back just to verify that the person I was so startled by was...me. At that point, I slowly turned around to see if anyone saw. Yeah, the few people who saw me clear the make up shelf. I'm pretty sure they went from wondering if I was drunk or high, to being fairly certain I was just plain high.

Sorry customers, you lose! The correct answer is C - a case of "objects in peripheral view are closer than they appear", and it's another fine symptoms brought to you by Multiple Sclerosis!

Fighting With MS Connection Magazine - Again

It's not that I want to fight with it, I just do. Admittedly, part of me actually enjoys the person v. periodical debate it creates within my overactive, hole bearing brain. The other part of me wonders why I bother.

Article topic = "ways to conserve your energy". The top 2:

1. Establish realistic expectations - be realistic about your energy levels and frank with yourself and your family about what you can accomplish. A variety of emotions can drain your energy reserve, as well as physical exertion.

2. Plan and pace yourself - pace your activities and work at a moderate rate. Rushing to finish tasks or trying to fit everything in before you collapse takes a toll on the body and emotions.

Summary: "Think of energy as money. Every stress event and each body movement is a withdrawal from your energy account."

MS Connection...pardon me, but you're a little out of touch with my life. And let me tell you why. I hold 3 jobs within my organization. Two of those are full-time jobs in and of themselves within other organizations. Realistic expectations? My only expectation is that I serve to the very best of my God given ability, give my best effort every second, and don't fall asleep at any point in my 10 hour day. The first 2 are easy. The third? Not so much.

Plan and pace myself? Sounds like a luxury I don't have. But is that to my advantage, I wonder? Hmmmm...hold on, need a sip of coffee to ponder that one...

I've often heard the term "move it or lose it". Yeah, mostly in a road rage context, or maybe at a gym. I see your road rage/gym mantra and raise you...my own circumstances.

My neurologist told me, "you have to admit to yourself that...your days of multi-tasking are over". That went over like a hot air balloon. More specifically, one that erupted in flames moments earlier. My immediate response? Laughter. Cackling laughter, because come on - that's just funny!

She always felt that I was a little out of touch with my acceptance of this disease. She's a great lady and fantastic doctor, don't get me wrong. But seriously, what does she want me to do? Curl up in fetal position and play the "What If Game"? I've done that, it's overrated. Cry? I think we've already established...there's NO crying in MS. It doesn't deserve my tears or anyone else's. Stare in the mirror, looking deeply into my own hazels, imagining that just a few inches past those pupils lies "areas of signal"? Done that too. I've decided it's best not to do that, kind of like how it's best not to look at myself for too long in a full length mirror.

Stop multi-tasking? Woman please! I multi-task even if I'm just laying out in the sun! I'm reading a magazine, listening to music, and contemplating the meaning of life all while taking in my vitamin D. I multi-task while showering. Lather up the hair with shampoo and, while that's setting in nicely, I'm shaving my legs. Blow dry my hair while sitting on my favorite seat in the house, awaiting my bladder's decision to fully empty. I could do a Tick Tock remix for Ke$ha. "Wake up in the mornin' feelin' like goin' back to sleep. Drag myself out of bed and shuffle to the coffee maker. Brush my teeth with a tube o' Col Col (that's Colgate, Ke$ha style). I'm talkin' shampoo in my hair hair, shavin' cream on my shins shins, sittin' down on my throne throne, best seat in the home home..." I smell a chart topper!

I've never held a job that was a one-person job. And if I subscribed to the idea of pacing myself and being frank about my energy levels...I wouldn't be working. I'd be sleeping. A lot. Because that's what I want to do. A lot.

On nearly a daily basis, I have to recite some sort of motivational speech to drag myself out of bed. Usually the one that works is, "get up, this is the day the Lord made, and if He woke you up and gave you full mobility, you better get to steppin'". If that doesn't work, the emergency phrase is, "there are kids counting on you...yours and about 100 others! Move it or lose it!"

Move it or lose it. I have to keep moving it, because the thought of losing it is...well...not a thought I can allow for too long. 'Cause that can make me lose it in a whole 'nuther way. And if I'm busy losing it, I'm not being "joyful always" or "giving thanks in all circumstances". Man, that's hard sometimes...


1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 (New International Version)

16Be joyful always; 17pray continually; 18give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.

Don't Mess With Paper...

Today was a little more than crazy. I believe the more appropriate terminology would be "cra cra". Thank you, Urban Dictionary.

I woke up feeling weak, shaky, and generally "hit by a bus". I had a physical task to tend to and I allowed the mere thought of said task to stress me out to the point of breakdown, complete with this funny thing that happened to my eyes...they filled up with water and it nearly fell down my face. Crying? Absolutely not. There's no crying in ms! Not unless it's for no reason whatsoever, in which case it's emotional lability, and it's cool.

I wasn't so much upset by the notion that I'd feel like feces after tackling this physical task, especially when I was already feces-esque. So what caused the watery eyes? I knew that, if I DIDN'T do this task, a group of kids I serve would suffer. And if I DID do this task, fully taxing my body out, another group of kids I serve would suffer. Rock, meet hard place. Although, everybody knows paper beats rock. Don't mess with paper.

The great thing about being me is...I've got lots of paper, and it comes in the form of my family, friends, and church family. Today, a friend came to my rescue to help with the task. And praise God for that, because every time I bent my neck down to concentrate on the line I staked out, the earth spun a little faster. I knelt down to stake out another area and could barely get back up. It was hot outside, my legs were shaking like cra cra, but I had paper.

I wish I could take my breakdown back. It was ugly, guys. I even said that "these are the times invisible symptoms are worse than visible ones, because if I was walking with a cane, who would even think I could do this?" What the! In the words of my grandmother, "did I say that out loud?" Nice. Still working on that self-control. I think that's why it's the last Fruit of the Spirit, 'cause it's the hardest one...at least for me.

Once the task was successfully completed and I began to relax, knowing "my" kids were properly provided for, the new symptoms began. Hand tremors, numbness in fingers (just the pinky and ring fingers on each hand), numb feet, and tingly neck. I knew they were coming, I've been around this mountain before. And I got to feeling sorry for myself, which also usually never happens. I said to my friend, "I just wish I was like I used to be, I could do these things without a problem". She quickly reminded me that who I used to be was not who I am today, more specifically, in a spiritual context. It was a deep convo. Her tear-filled question was, "would you rather go back to being the person you were, knowing the person that you are now?" (brief pause...) No. And then I smacked her. There's no crying in ms.

So I got to thinking, even though I have this freaked out neurological system going on, I have a peace I didn't have before it came along. Pre-ms, I was proud to be able to accomplish everything by myself - me, myself, and I. Everything good that I had, I credited to like...myself! But I've learned that all things come from God and that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. Man, He's awfully strong. The other thing I've learned is that I have lots and lots of paper. Praise God for paper...

Easter - Jesus and Whales and Pebbles

Happy Easter morning, everyone!

I'm sitting here with a mighty fine cup of coffee, listening to acoustic alternative music, feeling rather chillaxed. Yes, I'm old...but I'm somewhat well versed in my Urban Dictionary. I work with teenagers. Need to know how to communicate with them. Back when I was a teen, we didn't have an Urban Dictionary to Google. Well, we didn't have Google. Wait. We didn't even have the internet. Commodore 64 users! Are you with me!?!

Yesterday, ms was doing its best to make me feel guilty. Like in the afternoon, my kids were hanging at my parents' place. Mom had called to say that she hoped the kids wouldn't mind, she had to take a quick nap. I replied, "oh please, they've grown up understanding naptime!" When they were toddlers, I used to have to close them in my fully kid proofed bedroom with me so I could sleep the ms meds off...or just sleep the symptoms away. Whichever. I got to thinking about the time my son commented to his little friend, "my mommy doesn't do that" when the friend talked of playing outside with his mother. And the times I had olympic level wrecks in front of them. Falling from the very top step as I carried a basket of laundry down the stairs, having enough body awareness to plunge my head into the clothing to protect that, but knocking the wind out of myself 'til I got to the bottom. And the time I fell at a birthday party my son was attending in kindergarten, knocking myself unconscious, but being cool enough to refuse the ambulance. Ever try to tough out a concussion? Standing upright all, "nah, I'm good", but you're swaying and trying not to blow chunks on the people up in your grill all, "we're going to call an ambulance". Lady...your best bet would be to take 3 steps to the right.

Last night, we were hanging out with friends and I'd asked my husband to do a thing or two, like carry the trash outside or something. My friend's husband joked, "sheesh, you're putting the guy to work!" Yep. The days of serving him things as he sits in his chair ended circa 2003. So are the days of a really clean house. There are times I feel bad about all of that. My husband works 3 jobs. I sometimes wish I could be the wife I was from 1994-2003. As pretty/stylish friend says, "guilt is overrated". Indeed.

I'm going to plagiarize for a moment, but only because I feel it could bless someone. A friend of mine also blogs about ms, and this is a thought of hers that is really insightful...inspired by a walk on the beach and a beautiful pebble she found.

"MS, like many things in life....strikes without warning. You never know what it's throwing at you.... or which way it might be throwing you. It's easy to get caught up in the waves and be tossed ass-over-tea-kettle before you even realize what's happening. But isn't that the same thing that produced this amazing little beautiful pebble? You see, the constant tossing of the waves.... the disruption and confusion.... it polished out the rough spots.... smoothed over the flaws.... and produced something more compact, more beautiful, more resilient."

Kudos, hole-bearing friend! I have read this paragraph over and over, during both highs and lows. I'm so that pebble.

I've been studying the book of Jonah and relate on a certain level. I didn't know God from 1972-1999, despite His many attempts at reaching out. Looking back B.C., I always had "the door out", so to speak. You know, where you can make the right choice or the wrong one? There was a way out, but I was too stubborn and proud to take it. Then along came a condition that essentially reduced me to full dependency on something I can't see. What I can't see, however, I can feel. Even if I can't feel a part of my body, I can always feel God's presence.

Jonah had to chill out in a whale for a few days, because he was too stubborn and proud to do what God wanted. MS is my whale. God loved me enough to see me through the "constant tossing of the waves...disruption and confusion" so that He could produce something more beautiful and resilient. I'm still not there, but I'm further along than I ever was, and maybe that's more of a blessing to my kids than whether or not they grew up in a spotless house or played outside with me. Maybe they'll know to draw closer to God when the waves get to kickin'. I'm thankful that He cared enough about me to look for me. I couldn't do ms without Him.

May you be blessed this Easter by the gift our Lord has given us...the gift of eternal life! A life free of illness, sadness, and poor bladder function! Sorry, Potty Queen...we won't need you in heaven:-)


'Rejoice with me; I have found my lost sheep.' 7I tell you that in the same way there will be more rejoicing in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous persons who do not need to repent.

The Body That Talks

To quickly recap, I do not take medication to treat ms. I'm by far not anti-meds, it's more that my body is such that it became very offended at Avonex and its relatives. Supplements? Yeah, no. I was sucking down upwards of 30 pills per day and blowing through hundreds of dollars per month. I chased those with about 6 Advil per day for pain and headaches, landing myself in the hospital for 3 days with bleeding ulcers. No pills, no injections, no nuthin'. This body just can't hack it. But there's this other thing...

It's called cranial sacral therapy and "Body Talk". And it's really...odd. I like odd. Most people like even. Me? I identify with odd. Odd is good. Plus, it's fun to say. And to type. Go ahead and try it sometime. You'll see what I'm saying.

I joke that the guy who works on me has a subscription to Miss Cleo or something. As he's carefully and gently untangling whatever it is that was tangled (referred to as "fascia"), he'll ask questions like, "have you been feeling...(insert odd thing)". Then he'll gently touch a spot in my back that's sore and say something like, "your (odd thing) is governed by the liver, and your liver is out of balance." Dude. That is some crazy fecal matter.

The BodyTalk Practitioner relies on the guidance of the body's natural wisdom to not only locate the weakened or broken lines of communication and establish how to re-connect them, but also to find the proper order in which they are to be restored. This is accomplished through a form of neuromuscular biofeedback, by which the practitioner is able to ask the body yes-or-no questions and receive answers directly from the body about the sequence for re-establishing these lines of communication.

So wait. If I'm reading this right, it's kind of like an intervention? Establish a line of communication with Alice? But she's...so irrational! Ask her yes and no questions? Better him than me. If she was a real person, I'm positive she'd have a superb potty mouth. Insert swear word of choice in front of the yes or no and you've got it.

Whatever this stuff does, it makes me really happy. And my liver likes it, too. Wish they made one of those ribbon car magnets that said something like, "support liver joy"...something like that.

Tonight's the first night in weeks that my hand isn't twitching. I don't feel burning, or tingling, or numbness, or wet in place of cold, cold in place of wet, vibration, etc. I don't understand how it does what it does...it just does. It tucked Alice into bed, where she's experiencing an uber peaceful slumber. Now if I can only keep the noise down!