Sunday, March 27, 2011

Panic, But Not At The Disco

I was unpleasantly awoken by a panic attack at 1:54am this morning.  Again.  I really dislike those sorts of panic attacks.  Not as if I enjoy a high level of anxiety when I'm awake, but the waking jolt, gasping for air, heart pounding through body, clutching at chest, sweating, and overall feeling of "oh em gee"?  That's worse than the radio station my husband uses at mach 10 to wake himself each morning from his comatose sleep.  I'd almost rather wake to that...though it results in the same heart palpitations and gasping.  Rather than clutching at my chest, I clutch at my ears. 

I've learned to stop trying to figure out what's to blame.  MS?  Hormonal stuff like...pre-menopause heading more toward the real deal?  I'd like to think it's that, because I'm counting down to menopause and the end thereof.  Come on, when you're working with ms symptoms that are largely invisible, something like menopause is not scary.  I've always followed my mother's  footsteps to a T.  To be done with all of that drama by the time I'm 57ish? BRING. IT.  Many of the symptoms she went through were similar to mine.  She would occasionally say, "sometimes I wonder about myself (meaning ms-wise)".  I would say, "Don't worry, Mom.  You don't have ms.  You're just getting old."  :-)))

So yeah.  I'm not sure if I can blame the holes or the "old".  Either way, I have woken much more exhausted than I went to bed.  And I have way too much to do it's time to caffeinate... 

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