Today is a day in which ms could definitely be capitalized. So here, ms...today you get to be MS. But you'll never be mine. Never.
My legs were so stiff that I felt like I was walking with stilts. Wait. Let's not get crazy. Stilts that are 3' tall to match my equally long, luxurious legs. And painful. Very painful. I dropped nearly everything I picked up, even that piece of lettuce that had the extra bit of french dressing on it. You can never get that out, you know. Never. I stuttered on a level equal to that of Porky Pig, even going so far as to substitute words that are completely NOT those which I was tripping over. And "exhausted" doesn't begin to describe the level of tired I feel. I'm stupid tired.
This unfortunate physical presentation hasn't just appeared out of nowhere. It's been building. It makes me think things I probably shouldn't be thinking, doubting things I probably shouldn't be doubting, and planning things I probably shouldn't be planning.
Each day, I awake with the intention of "working as if unto the Lord". By Thursday? I feel like I'm "working as if unto Night of The Living Dead". By Friday? I'm back to getting lost in my closet. I want to stay home and eat pudding.
It's been a seriously tough week. To sum it up, I've napped more this week than I have in the past year. And when I say "nap", I mean I laid down to do leg exercises and woke up a couple hours later, wondering what day it was. If you can call "passing out" napping, then yeah, that's what I did. All week.
Tonight? I dragged myself home from work, climbed up the stairs to my bed, told my son to wake me in an hour so I could take him to a meeting at school, curled up under my blanket in a fetal position, and dozed off with tears in my eyes. I hurt. Everything hurt. I was beaten down. I am beaten down.
But I found a piece of scripture that I had never noticed before today. Okay I'll be honest, I found it when I did one of those "close my eyes, open it, and point" deals. The last portion of Psalm 91.
“Because he loves me,” says the LORD, “I will rescue him;
I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
He will call on me, and I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him."
And that's what I'm hanging onto.