:::slapping hands together in vigorous washing motion:::
Okay, so I thought I overcame it? But suddenly? I find myself swimming in a series of negative thoughts. And they're saying things like:
- you disappoint your kids when you can't walk around the amusement park with them in 100 degree heat.
- you can't even use an elevator, because the bounciness makes your legs wobble.
- you can't do things as quickly as you used to.
- you can't learn things as quickly as you used to.
- the trials that are going on around you right now? Are all your fault.
- the ginormous decision you need to make in the next week or so? Will be wrong. :::because:::
- the similarly-themed, ginormous decision you made a little while ago was wrong. Which is why everything else is your fault.
- you're all alone. No one understands you and your ridiculous invisible symptoms.
Battling self-esteem is nothing new to me, I've just mastered the skill of hiding it behind a smile, joke, or laugh. It seems like a lifetime ago, 'back in the day', when I couldn't face my own image in a mirror. I walked with my head down. I could never accept a compliment, even the simplest. There were reasons behind all of that, but if I were to write it out, we'd be lookin' at a lengthy testimony...which none of us are ready for, including me ;-) Thankfully, here's where my 2 favorite Bible words come in: "But God". I don't struggle the way I used to with self image, but I find that ms has a way of trying to steal my joy.
Let's be real for a moment...these negative thoughts are lies. Even my kids didn't want to walk around in 100 degree heat. True, I may not be able to use bouncy elevators (stupid thoracic spine), but I can shuffle down the stairs quickly enough to beat my husband to the lobby. I may be a little slower at learning new things than I used to be, but what's the big hurry, anyway? Ha! The trials going on around me are not within my control, meaning I can't own them. And ya know, I probably will mess up that big decision I have coming up, which is why I need to give it to the Lord. He makes all things work together for my good:-)
I guess the only way to fight these feelings is...to fight them. And to have a coolatta. Because a coolatta is always a great answer.
(let me know where I should send my therapy copay if you've made it all the way to the bottom of this post:-)
4 The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. 5 We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. - 2 Corinthians 10:4-5