I have countless reasons to be joyful, joy-filled, joyous, and every other word you could create with the root word of 'joy'. But that doesn't stop the occasional Depression Tidal Wave (DTW) from slamming me to the ground, swirling me around, and tossing me into unfamiliar lands. And, since it comes at me suddenly and from absolutely nowhere, it tells me it's perimenopausal...or ms-related...or maybe a lovely cocktail of both.
The only nouns (ya know, people-places-things) that don't get on my nerves when I'm like this? Are my kids, my parents, a very select few people (people I don't select...the 'moment' does), and morning coffee.
It takes effort, sometimes tremendous effort, to maintain a 'collected' appearance. 'Collected' in that I force myself to shave my legs. To choose a pair of matching socks. To care enough to accessorize. To care so much that my accessories actually match my outfit. It's like Garanimals - Grown Up Edition.
I'm grateful that these DTWs seem to strike and swirl for about a week or two, then eventually roll back out to sea. They don't situate themselves uncomfortably over my head for months on end, as they did in the first few years of living with ms. Those were very bad times. And no, I didn't even bother to match my socks. In fact, I had a hard time just leaving my house. The coffee is good here...
What I'd love to do during these storms is retreat. Be it to the beach, the mountains, the park, or simply my pillow (which is most accurate), it's all considered welcomed refuge. But sadly, I can't hide my head under my pillow for the next 7-10 days. Or maybe that's not sad...but what's actually best.
I have a family to love, a life to live, a household to help provide for, and most importantly, a God to glorify. He is right here with me in the middle of every blessing, trial, and self-labeled DTW. His ear is turned to me. He hears my cries, even the unsubstantiated ones. And the beauty of it all? Is how much He loves me, no matter what.
Take that, DTW...
The LORD your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing."