MS and I are coming up on our 13th anniversary and, because I'm such a thoughtful person, I took a moment to look up what the appropriate gift would be for your 13th year of togetherness:
Lace.
Clearly, there is something wrong with the fact that my very first thought upon seeing that was, 'kind of how my cervical and thoracic spines look on an MRI?' In that case, ms has already gifted me. While I only have a handful of holes in my head, I was told they 'stopped counting somewhere around 30' in those areas.
That's funny. That's about when I stopped counting my birthdays.
Maybe I'm 'an island of 1' in pondering what life post-dx has meant, but I do find myself quite reflective around this time of year. I suppose it's in the same spirit as how a particular song has the power to plop you right in the middle of your senior prom. And how, if you're me, you slap at the radio buttons in search of: Anything. Else.
I recall just how ill I was early on, maybe the first handful of years or so. Numbness, poor mobility, hearing issues, visual disturbances x 10, vibrations, vertigo, nerve pain, ms hugs, and the plethora of ginormous falls I took. Lest I leave out the medicinal failures, due to intolerance and the 'administrative' aspects. Because it's not a party 'til you've given yourself that thigh injection...in your artery! Go me :-)
:::she-who-was-once-considered-the-life-of-the-party-has-redefined-the-party:::
I think back to the time my husband took me to the Cleveland Clinic, as if they would somehow be so 'expert' as to tell me that the spots on my many scans were simply the result of a dirty camera lens. But they didn't. Late that night, my husband and I had a bite to eat and went out for a stagger. Well, he walked...I staggered. I remember standing at the very edge of Lake Erie, my husband standing behind me with his arms wrapped around me, his chin on top of my head. And me...tears in eyes...saying, "now's your chance to throw me in. I wouldn't blame you." But he didn't.
I'd like to say I'm a little 'better' at it than I used to be. I conserve my energy a bit more than I did. I know how much I can or cannot exercise. I have a better understanding of my limitations. Like playing on the church softball team? Is not something ventured any longer. Carrying 32 bags of groceries in 1 trip? Is now the job of my family. Offers to be strapped into a 5-in-1 moonbounce at a birthday party and be launched 30' in the air? Is not something I'm compelled to do. Why? Because I recall the 'Log Flume Debacle of 2006', thank you very much. I'm obviously made to be right here...on the ground.
In the meantime, I hold fast to my Lord through the trials. I find such a peace in Him. Like my favorite song from church - the only one I'll actually *not* lip synch to - says:
Have you seen Jesus my Lord, He's here in plain view.
Take a look open your eyes, He'll show it to you.
Have you ever stood at the ocean, with the white foam at your feet?
Felt the endless thundering motion? Then I say you've seen...
Jesus my Lord
Lace.
Would a piece of cheesecake that's served on a doily be close enough to lace? Meh. I think we all know that cheesecake is always the answer...
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| ...so glad I didn't get thrown in:'-) |
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