Something you should all know is that I spent about 34 of my 40yrs being terrified of thunderstorms. Like seriously terrified. Thankfully, I'm much improved in this area, only by the Lord's comfort...and even a little therapy ;-) Therefore, tonight, I decided I was going to head out for a nice walk, because the storms we were expecting were a solid hour away from us. So they said. I'm training for the MS Challenge Walk and, since I'm a big girl now and all...I ain't 'fraid of no storms!
I got about a mile away and noticed the gentle, cool breeze intensify to blow-hat-off-your-head level. Meh. I figured I'd be fine on the way back. I live toward the right and, as you can see, the sky appeared fairly friendly:
Then I saw this cloud coming, full of lightning. And darkness came:
My thought process - as I heard the thunder crash in closer sequence to the flashes of lightning - went something like this:
- oh. crap.
- no no...you got this...just a storm...God is here...you're fine.
- hey, this is a blog post if I can outwalk this storm. I should keep taking pictures.
- am I going to make it back before it's on top of me?
- I'm only about 5'2". I probably won't be the lightning's first choice.
- I can feel those weird electric sensations in my face, storm's close.
- you know what, self?
- look behind you >>>>
When I saw it, I was amazed by the darkness and took a picture. Reality then hit. EEEEEEEEEK! All of the sudden, I became that frightened little girl all over again. I was paralyzed with fear, completely helpless. I did something I didn't know to do when I was that little girl...I called out, "LORD! Help me!"
What happened next? Something in my mind (which I'd like to say was the 'still, small voice') calmly reminded me that I had a phone. A phone which I should probably stop taking pictures with in order to call my husband for a ride home.
:::duh, why didn't I think of that:::
I'm grateful for moments like these...ya know, after they're long over with and I can see the truth in them. Because the truth is, I have no control over the storms. None.
The level of helplessness I felt when I realized how nasty of a storm was right over top of me? Was the equivalent of what I felt when I was given that shot of morphine in the recovery room after giving birth to my daughter - and that someone let an elephant into the room, he sat on my chest, my breath left me, the lights went out, and there was a lot of muffled, urgent communication that ended with a thud to my thigh. Morphine allergy. Many thanks to the makers of epinephrine;-)
The level of helplessness I felt when I saw the lightning directly upon me? Was the equivalent of what I felt when I was told my son was born with a rare disease that he may not survive. Many thanks to the Lord, Who has the final say.
And lastly, that level of helplessness? Was the equivalent of what I felt when I was diagnosed with ms. And each time I failed a medicine. And each time I woke up with very ugly symptoms. Praising the Lord for carrying me through it all.
I'm not sure if it's my age, the 'storms' I've experienced, the Bible studies, the prayer ministry, or the combination thereof...but my comfort is found in the fact that God has the final say. He is the only constant, which is the source of my peace in living with a disease - an entire life - that's anything but...
“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”