I was in the grocery store, just trying to grab a pack of chicken. But there was a group of 3 very chatty, older gals who chose to park themselves directly in front of the case. You've heard folks like this, right? Someone says, "how have you been?" and it's as if they've been asked for a complete dictation of their medical records. Me being me, not wanting to interrupt, I chose to poke around at items nearby in the hopes that they'd move along in a moment or two. But they did not. See, the 'askee' had her knee scraped. Turns out the 'askor' knew a woman who had her knee scraped? And she was never better. The 'askee' then advised that her husband finally got his hip replaced. The 3rd gal said that was great. Her husband had a spot taken off his nose.
I really just needed that pack of chicken.
For a moment, I wondered what it would be like if I were to politely excuse myself...reach in between them for that heralded pack of chicken...and say:
"Isn't health somethin'? Ya know, it's the funniest thing!
...on Saturday, I couldn't see far away, so I almost put my foot through the floorboard when I mistook a trash can for a deer! Also, I lost my ability to taste things that weren't extra seasoned, super spicy, or heavily flavored.
...on Sunday, I could see a little better, but I felt this emotional blanket...a weighted one...come over me. It made me feel worthless, and broken, and alone. To the point where I was on my own nerves. But that's not all. It made me sleepy. Very sleepy, in fact. Yet I could not sleep. Oh, and I had an 'ms hug' going on, but not around my torso like usual. This was around my throat.
...on Monday, I had tremors in both hands. I proceeded to drop everything from keys to sandwich to chalkboard eraser to chalk. My students didn't know what to make of it and didn't dare laugh, because they're so sweet and polite. I told them it was 'hand tremor Monday' and that they might want to move back a smidge or duck. Then they saw the humor;-)
...and today, I woke up at 2am with a nagging headache. I woke up each hour 'til it was time to get ready for work. When I got out of the shower, I felt nerve pain wrap across the left side of my face. My right side, just under my arm, feels as if it's on fire. And if I jump or go down the stairs or walk in a heavy footed manner, I've got this tooth that hurts. It's right here (digging at mouth). Sometimes my gum above a particular tooth will hurt, but nothing's the matter with it. Joke's on me, 'cause it's just an irritated nerve!
Know anybody like that? No??? That's a shame, 'cause I could probably find you a bunch of folks who will give me an 'amen' on all the above!"
And I imagined their response to be: "You are the most intriguing person we've ever met! Please, you must do coffee with us. We won't take 'no' for an answer! Helen and Barbara will love you. We love you. We. Love. You!"
As I laughed to myself as to how that all might have played out, I did what any honorable woman would do. I sent my kid to get the chicken. Helen and Barbara will just have to wait to meet me. It's for the best. They may not be ready for all that I am.
Can I get an 'amen'!