- Try on approximately 16 different outfits to see which one makes me look less spherical.
- Find which jeans elongate my 5'1" stature.
- Find which shoes have the largest heel I can walk in without falling, again, to give the illusion that I've not lost an abnormal amount of height since graduation.
- Accessorize in a manner that says, "I still got it". Whatever "it" is. Or was.
So there I was, entering the establishment and immediately checking in at the...ladies room. When I'm anxious, my bladder shrinks to the size of a pea. No pun intended. Upon exit, I was scanning the crowd for anyone who looked like someone I used to know...but in a "20 years later" fashion. And wondering if, when I approached them with a warm hug, my head/neck tremors would act up and they'd look at me sideways. Or that I'd lose my balance a bit, as I do when I hug someone...which results in a slightly longer-than-appropriate hug. That can be very awkward for both parties. Thankfully, before I had much more time to consider the possible scenarios, I spotted one classmate...and another...and look there's another! Yaaaaay! My friends! Oh how I'd missed them! They seemed to know me upon first glance and vice versa. Whew. That was easy...
Side note: I love that most of the guys are bald. My husband didn't feel so out of place. Seriously though, how could they not be with the abundance of hair gel and mousse they wore circa 1988-1991? If they only knew the price of having that impressive, spikey hair...oh who are we kidding, ladies. They wouldn't have changed a thing!
So when you're used to drinking water and you decide to enjoy 2 Cokes in succession, the bladder isn't pleased. It identifies the black, caustic liquid as a foreign substance and wishes to rid itself of the offender as quickly as possible. After 4 bathroom trips in the first hour, I switched to water...which resulted in another 3 trips, though better apportioned.
Finding my way to the restroom, maneuvering through the large crowd of folks...many of them swaying...became quite an obstacle. I had to navigate a series of steps, as well. They were narrow, which added an extra little spice to the venture. All I could envision was taking a spill similar to the one I had about 6 years ago at a child's birthday party...where I fell down narrow steps, hit the back of my head, and knocked myself unconscious. It ain't a party 'til someone wants to call an ambulance for your mommy, right kids! RIGHT!
But I made it...all 7 times. Without falling, without so much as tripping. Sure, I bumped into a few folks, but they didn't seem to mind...probably didn't even notice. And then it happened out of nowhere. The lights went dim, the colored disco ball spun, and the music began. Oh no. I never, ever used to turn down an opportunity to dance!
I immediately took a step toward the dance floor, but stopped myself. I decided it was a "No" with a capital N. I simply couldn't dance. I'd get overheated, my eye would blank out, my legs would shake, and I'd stagger out. But wait. These are the people I've known since 1977. And these are my favorite songs. MS...may I have this dance? Just this once?
It Takes Two! Apache - Jump On It...complete with applicable "cowboy with lasso" dance! Lady Gaga for good measure! Perfect! As predicted, I lost the majority of my vision in the left eye, my legs began to shake, and I knew it was time to take my "dance partner" home to recuperate. But I'll tell you, my head/neck tremors coincided perfectly with "Bad Romance". It's not the easiest song to dance to, so I just sort of moved my body a bit and let the tremors do the rest. My girlfriends were clapping with approval, so I must've been doing something right. Come to think of it, maybe that truly is the correct way to dance to a Gaga song? Hey thanks, ms!
What was I worried about, you know? I was able to be there and have a blast! I got to dance, which is something I've always loved to do and used to be fairly good at (though not anymore, but it's still fun)! And I was able to reconnect with some wonderful folks that I've missed dearly over the years. I think that's worth some leg weakness, eye blurriness, and a little peeing for good measure. That's what panty liners are for! Did I just say that out loud? Wow. I really AM just like my grandmother...
But behind every wobbly woman is a strong man to shove her into the truck. Many thanks to my dear husband for being that strong man. In sickness and in health...in wobblies and in strength...in temporary blindness and in clarity...he loves me through all seasons. And I love him right back :-)))