Each year at this time, I vividly recall the fear of "what if" as I uncomfortably rested in the donut tube. I also think back to the moment I realized something was wrong, because the Tech (who happened to be a personal friend) reported back into the room to inform me that she was going to run the scan with gad. I had said, "but the script didn't call for gad", which she affirmed, smiled, and quickly diverted. Mind you, I didn't realize it was going to be a dx of ms, but I knew she saw something. All I could think of was...please don't let it be fatal, please don't let it be a tumor, and please don't let it be something that affects my kids in any way.
Another thing I think of every year at this time is the way I received the news and who it was delivered by. God certainly gave me exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it. I'm abundantly blessed to have friends in the medical community. Because immediately after hearing those words, I was held through my tears and physical weakness. She cried with me, uplifted me, and told me the exact thing I needed to hear...that ms would not change who I was as a mother. Being a mother is first and foremost in my life. First. Foremost.
Chris, I will never forget what you did for me. I will never know how you brought yourself to do it. I thank God for the strength He gave you that day, because I was able to draw from that when I had to deliver the same news to John, Mom, and Dad. You were always there for me during the very worst of it. Know that I love ya always, lady:-)
Which brings me to wonder, since I'm being quite sappy and all...what's the gift you give your mate on your 8th Anniversary? A simple google search tells me, "something bronze". Well. I do have a pretty nice tan goin' on! That counts, right? Yes. I think so.
5 comments:
It's so typical how we recall those memories so vividly.Right down to the people in the backgrounds of out life.
True that, Nicole. I'm so thankful for the friends that I was surrounded with on that day and the many tough ones that followed. Made all the difference, I think :-)
Be well!
I'm pretty scared of my first anniversary...I wonder what I will be thinking.
I hope I can have some positive things.
My mother died at age 37 from a brain aneurysm, and that was what I thought about while I was in the "donut tube". I thought many of the same thoughts you did as well. However, I try to celebrate my dx day: I can still walk, I am going to graduate from college this spring, and I am here everyday with my husband and kids. While it can be a melancholy day, I try and celebrate all that is awesome since that day! :)
Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about your mother...hugs to you.
I love the way you view your day of dx and know that others will be blessed by reading your comment. Taking stock in our abilities is so important:-) Also, congrats on your upcoming graduation! What a wonderful example to your children!
May you and yours be most blessed!
Tina
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