Saturday, August 27, 2011

Happy Anniversary (of dx), MS

Each year at this time, I vividly recall the fear of "what if" as I uncomfortably rested in the donut tube.  I also think back to the moment I realized something was wrong, because the Tech (who happened to be a personal friend) reported back into the room to inform me that she was going to run the scan with gad.  I had said, "but the script didn't call for gad", which she affirmed, smiled, and quickly diverted.  Mind you, I didn't realize it was going to be a dx of ms, but I knew she saw something.  All I could think of was...please don't let it be fatal, please don't let it be a tumor, and please don't let it be something that affects my kids in any way.

Another thing I think of every year at this time is the way I received the news and who it was delivered by.  God certainly gave me exactly what I needed, exactly when I needed it.  I'm abundantly blessed to have friends in the medical community.  Because immediately after hearing those words, I was held through my tears and physical weakness.  She cried with me, uplifted me, and told me the exact thing I needed to hear...that ms would not change who I was as a mother.  Being a mother is first and foremost in my life.  First. Foremost.

Chris, I will never forget what you did for me.  I will never know how you brought yourself to do it.  I thank God for the strength He gave you that day, because I was able to draw from that when I had to deliver the same news to John, Mom, and Dad.  You were always there for me during the very worst of it.  Know that I love ya always, lady:-)

Which brings me to wonder, since I'm being quite sappy and all...what's the gift you give your mate on your 8th Anniversary? A simple google search tells me, "something bronze".  Well.  I do have a pretty nice tan goin' on!  That counts, right?  Yes.  I think so.


nicole said...

It's so typical how we recall those memories so vividly.Right down to the people in the backgrounds of out life.

Tina said...

True that, Nicole. I'm so thankful for the friends that I was surrounded with on that day and the many tough ones that followed. Made all the difference, I think :-)

Be well!

Just a girl with MS said...

I'm pretty scared of my first anniversary...I wonder what I will be thinking.

I hope I can have some positive things.

Nancy said...

My mother died at age 37 from a brain aneurysm, and that was what I thought about while I was in the "donut tube". I thought many of the same thoughts you did as well. However, I try to celebrate my dx day: I can still walk, I am going to graduate from college this spring, and I am here everyday with my husband and kids. While it can be a melancholy day, I try and celebrate all that is awesome since that day! :)

Tina said...

Nancy, I am so sorry to hear about your mother...hugs to you.

I love the way you view your day of dx and know that others will be blessed by reading your comment. Taking stock in our abilities is so important:-) Also, congrats on your upcoming graduation! What a wonderful example to your children!

May you and yours be most blessed!