I did not sleep through the night. I did not require a nap. But don't take my word for it, I've actually found a piece of photographic evidence.
Light sleeper, never napped, mind racing at 200mph.
Who remembers mandatory naptime in kindergarten? I remember it well and NOT fondly, thank you. My teacher happened to graduate hs with my mother, and I was well aware that she would have no qualms in picking up the phone to advise of any poor behavior on my part. Whatever I got at school...would be twice as bad at home. So I'd lay there, eyes open, staring in annoyance at the others who followed the rules. Sheep. I used to think to myself, "if we all refused...if we all got up and ran out to the playground at once...what could she really do? She can't possibly catch all of us. Some of us will make it. I could make it." Yes, those were the thoughts I had when I was 5. Come on, no one was catching short, linebacker-esque me in those trak shoes...
I'm still a light sleeper and my mind still races at 200mph, but I've traded naps in for grade I comas. How can I be certain? Well, I simply can't qualify laying down in my bed, pulling the sheets up to my chin, closing my eyes, and regaining consciousness 3-4hrs later as a nap. The definition of "nap" is "a period of short, light sleep". Coma = the "prolonged state of deep unconsciousness". By definition, I nap overnight and slip into a coma come late afternoon.
It appears as if I'll need to resume that daily 3pm coffee infusion. Clearly, this is not something a Crisco box full of miscellaneous items will address. And don't even get me started on that cymbal clashing monkey...