MS is like a terribly annoying kid that makes me want to stuff it in its locker or beat it up after school. That's extreme, yes. But don't judge me just yet. See, it makes me feel as if I'm on Candid Camera, but this show runs daily...not weekly. And the guests never change. It's always just me. Or someone like me. I picture it standing behind a wall, pointing and laughing at me, awaiting the perfect moment to jump out and scream.
Here are those situations:
- When I'm done blow drying my hair, attempt to put the dryer away, have a hand tremor, and drop it. Our vanity is directly next to the toilet. You can see it, can't you. Needless to say, I make certain the toilet lid is closed prior. Fool me thrice...
:::I hear you laughing, ms. Very clever:::
- When I'm fully finished with the daunting task of drying and brushing my hair (and occasionally fishing the hair dryer out of the toilet), and decide my hair is ready for its "coat of armor"...I have a tremor while spraying and shoot myself in the side of the face or in the eye. This is no less than a weekly occurrence.
:::I'd like to say I see you laughing, ms, but I can't see on account of the array of chemicals I've just propelled into my eye. Not cool:::
- When I trip up the stairs...in front of about 32 high school students. At least they're cordial enough to laugh later.
:::ms, settle down. See how the kids hold it in? Give that a shot, kay?:::
- When I remember my keys are in the ignition...as the door is shutting.
:::nice try, ms. I have a spare set in my purse for such an occasion. Try again:::
- When I remember my house key is on the counter...as the door is shutting.
:::the joke is on you, ms! I have a 12yr old who's MUCH more responsible with her key than her mother. She's got me covered:::
- When I get as far as the bottom of the staircase and realize that I don't have pants on. Thank goodness something stops me. Pants are part of the dress code.
- When my son feels like something is in his eye and does what any little boy would do...go to Mom for help? And I do the "stretch the eyelid open" thing? And I get a tremor? And I accidentally put my finger in his eye? Betcha he'll rethink that the next time around.
:::keep on laughin', ms. My son has my sense of humor. He laughed even before you did, then found his own stray eyelash:::
I keep waiting for ms to jump out at me and scream, "SMILE! YOU'RE ON CANDID CAMERA!", but that hasn't happened yet. So in the meanwhile, I'll attempt to laugh along with ms as my hair dryer dries out from the swim it took in the toilet, and my eyelashes are stuck together with hairspray, and I cleverly place extra sets of keys, and I leave my room without necessary apparel, and my son goes to the dog for help with his eye before he comes to me. It's okay. I'm a patient woman. I can't wait...