Friday, October 8, 2010

A Tale of Two....


I went for a run today.  Yes, me.  The person with ms who, to this point, has been UNable to exercise briskly.  The most I can muster?  Walking.  And not too fast.  What happens is...I lose feeling in my legs afterwhile and that's simply not conducive to safe exercise.  Last time I ran for exercise = 1993.  Last time I exercised briskly = 2000.  So why try in 2010?  Because my friends are running and hey, I'd like to be with them!  I'm already the go-to-the-beach friend, the call-whenever-you-need-to friend, and the always-ready-to-eat-cheesecake friend.  I wish to expand my resume to...the running friend!  Plus, I was once told I couldn't run on account of how my legs shut down.  I'm nothing if not the gonna-do-what-you-say-I-can't girl:-) 

I stood at the edge of my driveway with my "running" shoes on.  Envision using quote finger signs as you say it.  It's comical, because I bought them years ago for the look of them, not at all for the purpose.  They were as practical as the clock Flava Flav wore around his neck.  They had blue trim and, since I continue to dress as if I'm a Geranimal, I needed them for when I wear blue sweatshirts.  I was also donning my capri sweatpants, which my husband despises.  He says, "wear shorts or sweatpants...those are ridiculous!"  They tie at the bottoms of the legs.  When I wear them out on a weekend trip to the grocery store, I occasionally have to stop and say, "honey, pants are untied."  That gets him every time!  He's threatened to burn them.  I told him that would be rather unwise, seeing as how he sleeps and I do not.  Just sayin'.  I completed my look with one of his XXL long-sleeve t-shirts.  In a word...fierce!  And so I was.  Fierce.  Then I began to run.

Allow me to speak to my fellow sturdy girls for just a moment.  Sure, we've got the sports bra to help us keep ourselves together.  But I realized only a few feet into my run that I'd benefit greatly from sports underwear.  Over the past 11 years, I've formed a smaller buttock above the one I grew up with.  And when I was running, the acquired buttock was smashing into the existing buttock.  It was a tale of two buttocks, and it was quite painful. 

As if that wasn't enough, I got that ice cold sensation in my throat that one gets from sucking air as to prevent cardiac arrest.  All this in the first 1/10mi.  I stopped.  Hands on hips.  Bent in half.  Thought about how it was I got through all the running I had to do in college field hockey practices...with my goalie pads on, running through the streets of the town in 90 degree weather.  And all the "punishment running" my college softball coach put me through.  Surely ms couldn't be as tough as that, right?  Nah.

I decided that I would continue on the 2mi route, even if I had to walk 1.5 and run the .5.  So that's what I did.  I ran from one telephone pole to another, then walked, then ran...until I could no longer run.  Somewhere around halfway through, I felt as if I traded my capri sweats and "running" shoes for:

In a word, it was awful.  The only thing that kept me moving was the cornucopia of songs that played in my head.  Lady Gaga songs.  My feet hit the road with the same force of the beat in "Bad Romance".  BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM...I so need a walkman if I plan to make a habit of this.  If they still make those. 

Then came the left eye.  And it looked a lot like this:

Thankfully, I was able to walk...verrrrry slowly...back home.  My thigh muscles went away completely.  I had a hard time picking my feet up to step into the house.  For the next hour, I lacked the ability to move my feet up and down in that typical pivoting motion that I've always taken for granted.  My feet slapped down as if I was wearing these:

But I did it. 

Even if it only amounted to a cumulative .5mi or so of running, it was .5 miles I didn't try to do yesterday.  Distances, poor form, and ms aside, I gave thanks to God for each painful step I took.  Tomorrow is a new day...and a great one for giving this another go! 

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