Over the past 2 weeks, ms has been throwing one of its parties. Be it a change in the weather, an increase in stress level, or just an overall boredom on its part...ms decided to 'bring the noise'.
- Vibrations in my head that slightly shook my vision.
- Leg pain that hurt so badly I was certain someone was stabbing me.
- Chest pain that woke me from a sound sleep and persisted throughout the day (and night), intermittently, every day. Of course it threw me into an all-out panic attack on the first night, which prompted me to complete mental math at 2am in the effort to determine whether or not I had enough in the bank to cover my ER copay. By the time I sleepily calculated that I did not, the pain turned off like a light switch. Times like these, I imagine ms hiding behind the sofa...giggling...
- Fatigue. Fatigue so significant that it could be pronounced..fuuuuh - teeeg.
For the most part, I've kept all of this loveliness to myself. I mean, isn't that what we do with invisible symptoms? Imagine having coffee with a friend and she's telling you about her kid's elementary school 'graduation' (because apparently, one graduates every single year now) and you respond with, "That's awesome! At this very moment, it feels as if 48 tarantulas are running around on my left thigh." Instead, I respond with, "That's awesome! I'll bet he can't wait to graduate next year!" ...and the next...rinse and repeat...
I keep invisible symptoms to myself, with the exception of the fuuuuuuh-teeeeeg, which I joke about with my kids. They're old enough now to laugh at ms with me and they've never known me without it, so whatever I do is really to be considered their mother's 'normal'. Anyway, we do this thing where we talk without moving our lips, just 'sluggish speech through our teeth' sort of thing. The other night, my husband was staring at all of us as I sluggishly communicated to the kids that I wished for them to wash the dishes piled up and over the sink. Or throw them in the trash can - I really couldn't care less.
**in my hole-filled mind, that should've been his clue that I wasn't feeling well**
Fast forward to last night.
I had an 'ms hug' wrapped around my head with boa constrictor force, a cramp in my foot that nearly dropped me where I stood, and I was grateful for it all. Why? Because without it, I'd have surely fallen asleep standing up. I explained to my husband that I was overly tired and concerned that I wouldn't be as alert as I should be to pick our kids up from a pool party they were enjoying.
"ugh...I guess I could come along with you. It's just that my hamstrings have been tight all day from when I did that little bit of yard work yesterday."
My unfiltered response...as I walked away in annoyance...
"...gotta be KIDDIN' me! STRETCH THEM!!! Go for a WALK or something...little bit of yard work...ugh..."
(FILTER BACK ON)
Enter overwhelming guilt and recognition of necessity to apologize. Immediately.
His face was priceless. Mouth - open. Eyes - of equal diameter to baseballs.
"um...I'm...really sorry. I'd LOVE for you to come with me!"
Have I said lately how grateful I am that the Lord gave me a patient husband?
(Note to self: Be kind to man with temporarily sore hammies.)