Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Taking MS Out Shopping (for undergarments...)

There are 2 things I completely despise shopping for:  bathing suits and undergarments.  Because I was pleasantly surprised to have found a bathing suit that essentially covered me from my armpits to my knees, thus covering most of my "problem areas", I thought I may also be equally surprised at how easy it would be to find replacement undergarments.  Nope.

All I found were lies.  C'mon, "age defying lift"?  "Satin fantasy"?  And "fits you perfectly floral"?  Lies.  All lies.  Because what I found could best be referred to as "age reminder smush", "satin nightmare", and "boa constrictor fit". 

Let me take a moment to apologize to all the men right now.  Sorry in advance, guys.  This post won't have much for ya...

I tried on over a dozen undergarments, none of which fit...and each requiring more and more Houdini efforts to get into, then out of, then into the next one.  I could feel myself tiring and thought, "you have to be kidding me.  I just walked 3 miles this morning and I can't try these things on without getting dizzy?"  I nearly fell into the wall upon escape from "age reminder smush".  It's more than a little embarrassing to have to "catch" yourself in a dressing room by throwing your elbow out to prevent facial impact, thereby creating a loud "THUD" into the thin wall.  Add to that visual - the petite sales girl coming to check on you by saying, "is everything alright?"  No, sweetie, it's not...but I shan't attempt to explain what it's like to take ms out shopping, exhaust yourself in a fitting room to the point where you can't see straight, can't think straight, and are forced to use your elbow like a kickstand in order to prevent the even-more-embarrassing face plant.  So what I said was, "yes, thank you".  Again, lies.

Two things became obvious to me:  1) I was going to have to order online, and  2) I can't take ms out shopping for undergarments ever again.  It just doesn't behave itself.  At all. 

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to attempt to measure myself and the only tool I have is my husband's metal retractable construction tape measure. 

Be well, friends!

1 comment:

Nicole said...

So cute. I can wholeheartedly concur. Shopping is exhausting!