Sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, I can't rest...
Keep in mind, I'm germophobic. I use my shirt sleeve to open a door. I use a napkin to pick up and use a salt shaker at a restaurant. I also use one to handle tongs at a salad bar. I use my own whiteboard marker at school, because while I love the children with every fiber of my being...they've typically just wiped their forearms across their running noses or sneezed a handful of "love" into their hands and then want to use my marker or hand me my water bottle. Love you, sweetie...but you're a 4' bundle of germs. Unarguably adorable, made in the image of God, but germy nonetheless. Why am I like this? I don't want to get sick. Scratch that...I can't get sick. Why? Because "sick" gets ms in an uproar and it nails me with a "pseudo-flare". Pseudo? Let me tell you, it feels quite real to me! Because right now? I am sick. And ms is being quite dramatic over it all.
So for example, the only thing I can imagine doing is sleeping. My eyes are burning. I feel like that handful of goo I used to throw against the wall as a child...where it would ooze down into a heap on the floor. Pick it up, toss it again...WHAP...oooooooze. Yes. That's me.
I feel a little sorry when people get colds and they don't have an underlying neurological disease. I mean, all they get is the sniffling, sneezing...you know the rest. But me? I also get leg weakness, eye blurries, slide-down-the-wall-fatigue, muscle spasms, and peeing upon coughing, which is a pretty cool trick. How boring their lives are. Truly. Jealous much, otherwise healthy folks? Mmm hmm. I thought so.
And everyone wants to help, God bless them. "Why don't you take an immune booster?" Well, my immune system is already quite moody...I'm not sure I want to "boost" what's already in combat against itself. Or as one dear hearted friend suggested...I could drink this funky stuff from the health food store. A whole thing of it, not the equivalent of a shot glass. Know what? I'd rather cough up both lungs and a spleen. But it's the thought that counts. Thanks for trying to help me, but just leave me behind...to be the ooze on the wall, that slides down into a pile on the floor...look away...look away...
Wonder if the makers of Nyquil are in the works of a medicine that goes like this:
Sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy head, fever, leg weakness, blurry eyed, oozing, stiffness, dribbling, so I can stay awake long enough to drink my coffee...........medicine.
Oh. And make that all possible in a shot glass-sized package. Deal?