Friday, September 10, 2010

Just Fine

I have to come clean and say that I began a post where I was complaining, listing every current symptom, throwing a slammin' pity party for myself over the fact that I have a UTI, which has exacerbated ms.  I was the life of said pity party.  I imagined myself donning a cone hat, blowing into one of those stupid things that make noise and come flying out at people.  I'd write "sucks" on it, with "MS" at the top.  So it would say "MS", and when you blow into it, "sucks" would be revealed.  Because it does.   

So I was angry typing when I heard one of my favorite songs playing.  Mary J. Blige - "Just Fine".  I recalled the video, where she's got the fiery electric all around her legs, arms, and hands?  Uh huh!  That's some of what I feel!  Yet despite limbs o' fire, she's "Just Fine".  See?

I got to I not just fine?  Yeah, I've got lots and lots of symptoms right now.  I could create a list of the Top 5 Most Sucktastic Symptoms Du Jour.  But the more I focus on that list, the more I feel every last one.  Like the 7 alarm fire in my body.  Yet my temperature is barely 97 degrees.  I considered slathering up with Gold Bond, but it's not that easy.  My neurological system is in the middle of throwing a huge fit.  It demands to know who UTI thinks it is, because the CNS says, "I'm MS, fool!  You come up in here with your urinary frequency and retention?  Pssht!  I'll kick this party up a notch with some limb fire, tremors, electric shocks to the skin, and eye stuff!  Say my name!"

But back to Mary J. being Just Fine.  Could this song not be a mantra of sorts for those of us living with chronic disease?  

No time for moping around, are you kidding?
And no time for negative vibes, cause I’m winning
Gonna live my life, feels so good to get it right
I aint gonna let you {MS} kill it
You see I wouldn’t change my life, my life’s just…..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
I think what I need to do is the very same dance that MJB does in her video, because there's such a transformation from limbs o' fire to excellence.  And I want that.  The natural progression is...fiery limbs change to - double vision, which changes to - multiple personality disorder (that's like emotional lability!), which changes to - double vision again, which changes to - doves now amazingly shooting out of her hands, symbolizing the Holy Spirit, which changes to - a Chaka Khan high note, because there's no better singer than Chaka, which changes to - MJB totally bustin' a move, owning the moment!  That's where I wanna be!  Bustin' a move, not letting this flare get me down!  Must be careful, however.  I don't want to end up on the floor, unable to move.  Calling out from work is not an option.  "Yeah, I can't come in today?  Um.  I was dancing.  Mmm hmm.  Yeah, it turns out I'm not the 19 yr old in the club anymore.  No no, don't worry...I'm just fine:-)  {fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, oooooh!} 

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