Monday, September 20, 2010

All I Need:-)

It's Day7 of Eye Flare 2010...a frightful flare that seems as if it's wanting to get worse before it considers improving.  Have I called the neuro yet?  No.  Why?  'Cause I know what she'll say.  "I can give you a course of prednisone, which I will gladly do, but I also know how sick you got last time."  Yeah me too.  Allow me to introduce myself.  I'm the person who experienced all of the "rare side effects" so that they could be included in the drug pamphlet and commercial.  You're welcome.

I was determined not to let a little thing like Eye Flare 2010 stop me from enjoying my weekend, so I took my kids out to a town event.  I should explain this eyesight thing.  I have a hard time seeing colors and things like writing/font (ie. the bold font, all the better to see you with, my pretty).  Driving down the road is fine.  I don't need to read speed limit signs.  I don't pay attention to them anyway.

At the event, don't I run into a circa 1993 boyfriend?  How uncomfortable is that, right?  Especially when it's the one you complimented on being a great boyfriend, super sweet and kind, couldn't have treated you better...but you like this other guy.  And now that other guy is your husband, and has been for 16yrs.  I thought to myself...maybe he won't recognize me.  Maybe I can hide behind something, not.  Maybe I can pretend I'm sleeping?  Or maybe, if he does see me and we get to talking, I'll open with, "omg, previous boyfriend!  It's so good to see you after all these years!  Oh hey, about how you thought we might be together forever?  I have ms.  Aren't you glad that fell through! (insert emotional lability)  HA HA HA HA!" 

Well, he knew it was me.  And no, I didn't pretend I was asleep, or hide.  Actually, we had a very nice conversation, sharing different facets of what life has brought over the years.  The whole time I was talking, squinting at various signs at the event that were being pointed out, I felt like ms was saying, "what about me!  I'm something that's happened over the past 17yrs!"  But I didn't.  It just wasn't important, despite him sharing different physical ailments he's experienced.  I gave a courteous, "oh I hear sucks gettin' old!", to which he said, "you're younger than me!  You don't know about gettin' old!"  At that point, ms was screaming, "OMG!  Me me me!"  It does that, you know.  Screams things.  Ok, maybe that's another condition not yet dx'd.

When my husband came home that day from his 80th+ hour of work, I just kinda...stared at him.  He did that very slow "what did I do" walk as he made his way through the house.  I thought to myself how God really did give me everything I need to get through this crazy life.  My family, my friends...and this kind soul:-) 

He's seen a lot over the years.  A frightening moment of emotional lability that surely made him wonder when he married Linda Blair.  It was the night I lost my bread winning income as a self-employed medical biller - where I intermittently laughed hysterically/cried hysterically for about 30 straight minutes.  He sat on the sofa in fear, asking if he should call an ambulance.  My response?  Don't.  Can't afford it!  I then recalled how, in the early ms days, he carried an 80lb heavier me after I gave myself an errant shot of Avonex...hit an artery...and collapsed on the bathroom floor out of fear and sight of mucho blood-o.  He's also endured my bent wheels, tire scuffs, dents, and plowing of lawn tractor into car door with grace.  He's stopped getting so upset over my stumbles and falls.  Hasn't yet been able to laugh at them as I do, but maybe in time, right?  And he's stopped yelling at me about not getting to bed at a decent hour.  He understands that you can't shame insomnia away.  It just doesn't work like that.

I'm thankful that God worked it all out just as it was supposed to be.  I've got these 2 amazing kids, whom I couldn't possibly love more:-)  My family is incredible.  My friends are so supportive.  And my husband?  He's the right guy for this job.  Strong enough to pick me up off the floor, but sensible enough to keep back 500ft from the crazy lady.  And what do I contribute to the marriage?  Oh that's easy.  Come on, how much fun am I!?!  I'll bet not many husbands can say they've woken to find their wife...asleep on the toilet!  That's the stuff only the healthiest marriages are made of, right? 

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