Saturday, October 22, 2011

Tina - 1 What If Game - 0 (or at least for today)

I beat the What If Game today.

You see, it was Grandparents Day today at school.  Why do I love GPD?  Because at the old age of 39, I'm blessed to say I still have my grandmother.  And I am her only grandchild.  Yes.  I am spoiled. 

About 2.5 years ago, my larger-than-life grandmother fell ill with osteomyelitis.  It's left her to battle sepsis not once, not twice, but three times.  It took her mobility.  It took up shop in her spinal cord.  It cost her 23 transfers between hospitals and skilled nursing facilities.  She's had 4 transfusions and been near death 3x, only to come out of a comatose state - hungry for spaghetti.  Obviously, God wasn't ready for her yet.  Nor was the kitchen staff at that particular hospital at like...8pm.  To say it's been a long and grueling 2.5yrs for her would be an understatement.  We've basically gone from making "arrangements" to discussing the possibility of her "discharge home" date.  She's learned to walk again, albeit slowwww and with a walker.  She's not ready to come home yet, but she may be.  Soon.

Enter the What If Game.  Today's categories were "You Have MS" for 1000 and "She Isn't Independent" for 5000.  For example, the What Ifs expressed by others in relation to my desire to bring her to GPD were, "What If she falls?", "What If she has to use the bathroom and doesn't make it in time?", and lots of other "What If"s. 

I understood the concerns.  But when you live with the What If Game looming over your head on a daily basis?  When I knew full well that any of those well-intentioned, lovingly spoken "what ifs" could happen to me just as easily as her?  All I could think of was...

What if it doesn't?

If it doesn't, she'll get to enjoy another day that this life has to offer...because the last 2.5yrs haven't been very kind to her.  If it doesn't, my kids will get to have breakfast with their great-grandmother.  And, "only child speaking", so will I.  What was the worst thing that could happen?  We both fall, we both pee, and everyone stands in horror as we laugh about it. 


Know what I figured out today?  That maybe we can beat the What If Game with a dose of its own medicine.  When it says, "What If (insert unfavorable ms-related thing)" we can say, "but what if it doesn't?" 

As long as I can remind myself of that;-)

But for today, victory was ours...