Friday, February 19, 2010

MS Connection Magazine - My Kryptonite

I really don't know why I read this magazine. True 'nuff, there are a few things here and there which are informative. Like how, back in the summertime, I noticed they were giving away Dorney Park tickets and celebrating a day for ms awareness. You figure, you should get at least something for your trouble, right? Be that amusement park tickets or a "membership card", like they were pushing last month. They'll really be talkin' my language when they offer Flyers tix, or at least Def Leppard.

The main article is entitled "Staying Up In Down Times". Why does this title remind me of certain commercials that appear on your tv around dinnertime or during sports events? The kind you're diving across the room to change the channel so your kids don't ask you what that pill is for? I digress. The REAL plot of the article is about working, ms-havin' folk. I was fine until I read this:

"Sandy tried a few careers before she found her current one. 'I just could not do the work,' she said of her previous job as a special education teacher. 'I had a 60-hour-per-week schedule, and I had severe fatigue.' So she switched to administrative work. She was let go from her teaching job, she feels, because of the cost of her health insurance."

Ouch, ouch, and ouch.

I'm trying NOT to see myself in "Sandy". I've tried a few careers. My job now? Educational therapist for children who learn differently. My work week? 60 hours per week. Fatigue? Shhh! There's one saving grace for me...I'm not on the school's health insurance. Whew!

So anyway, this article sparked fear in me. There are days I doubt and wonder how I'm going to get through the week. Then I begin to doubt further, playing through "what if's" that I won't even mention. I see my grandmother, who has a solid 40 years on me, working and hanging out with her friends and wearing her fancy clothes and taking her casino trips...and I think to myself, will I be able to do all that even 10 or 20 years from now? Well, I won't be wearing fancy clothes, not unless my stylish/pretty friend gets me on What Not To Wear. Suffice to say, I'll at least have good socks on. But seriously, people always say, "you're only as old as you feel!" Yeah? Then most days, I'm eligible for a senior discount, mmkay?

It's scary sometimes, no matter how much I will myself NOT to consider the future. When I read this magazine, it often results in an, "oh my goodness, I have MS!" sentiment! It's like reliving the dx over and over. Every pain is a little more noticeable, every eye twinge is more annoying, every trip to the bathroom is more inconvenient, and every tingly/fuzzy is more aggravating.

So what's a girl to do? Blog, of course! I love to blog. And I love to blog with a cup of Constant Comment tea in front of me and Christian music playing. As I was typing about my fears, I heard a song come on that I've not heard before tonight. The line that caught my interest, in between typing, was, "be not dismayed whatever be tide, God will take care of you. Beneath His wings of love abide, God will take care of you." So I'm taking that as my cue to put MS Connection magazine down...and pick up my Bible. Right after I finish this cup of tea, because it's just that good...

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