Like sands through the hourglass...
You're finishing that statement, aren't you. Come on. Say it. Say it with me :)
"so are the days of our lives"
Can I digress for a moment? Of course I can. As long as I stay in italics. Can I just share that I planned approximately 2.75 years of college courses around Days of Our Lives episodes? And what was that show that immediately followed? Wait...Another World!!! That's it! Oh how I loved those shows. The only reason it wasn't a complete 3 years is because I was excused from my dorm shortly after starting freshman year. "Excused" is polite for kicked out. Ohhhh temper temper. You've never done a single positive thing in my life, but I embrace you nonetheless.
Okay let's get out of italics.
Like sands through the hourglass...MS has been around for 17 years...so are the days of my life.
Each year at this time, I find myself doing an overview of sorts. I look back on the early days. The scans, the plethora of appointments, the medicinal failures, the falls, the eye mess, the nerve pain/numbness/pain/tinglies/pain mess, the...mess. My mind then walks me forward to the fuhhteeg, more nerve mess, the word salad mess, the walking into stuff mess - which is actually quite funny (like when the chiropractor asks if that's a bruise on your back and of.course.it.is, because you can't walk backwards out of the laundry room, basket in hands, without misjudging yourself in space and DOORKNOB!)
I forgot where I was going with that, aside from running into stuff with my body.
Anyway, I look at it all. Then, I compare it to today. And to last summer. Because last summer, I had that swallowing thing. This summer, I have the mobility thing. I can't remember 2 summers ago, so maybe that was a memory thing.
As I peek at my screen through the steam of my coffee...and listen to peaceful worship music...I'm reminded that...it's okay.
It's really okay.
I'm allowed to look back at those yuck things. I just have to try not to live there. I have to remember that the Lord has already worked everything out waaaaay ahead of my schedule and definitely far in advance of the yuck. I need to remember that no yuck is a surprise to Him. In fact, as I look back and see how things have worked in just such a way to care for my family and myself in the times of yuck over the past 17yrs, I can't *not* see the Lord's provision. Sometimes, it was friends and family who helped with yardwork, weeding, and even digging small trees out of our rain gutters. In others, it was meals, snacks, and desserts randomly showing up at our front door. To this day, I still don't know which one of my friends it was, but my heart will always smile at the surprise of the doorbell ringing, the opening of the door, the seeing of a car out in the middle of the road, the wondering as to whaaaat was going on, and the finding of a glorious piece of homemade cheesecake at the door with a beautiful card attached. That? Was awesome. It all? Has been awesome. But, there's more. Because just the other day, another huge blessing. This one arrived as a bag of clothing that was shipped to our door for my son. See, he was set to attend a conference this week and realized that he had outgrown all of his presentable clothing. He had purchased enough formal clothing, but was short by about 3 days' worth of neat-but-more-casual attire. Guess what was in the bag? 4 days' worth. Because that's how God does it. And this friend had absolutely no idea that he didn't have everything he needed. She simply decided to bless him. The joy in his eyes? The relief that came over him? Well, that just put everything else into perspective.
These blessings serve as my reminder that we don't do this life alone. Even when anxiety, or fear, or even MS tries to sell me that lie. I need only look as far as my front porch.
So are the days of our lives...
Oh, and here's the song I had been listening to as I wrote. It's my son's favorite version of How Great Is The Love. Blame him for any goosebumps ;)