Saturday, August 18, 2012

MS Challenge Walk - The Training Chronicles - "What Are You Thinking???"

That's what the 'voice' in my head said this morning.

"What are you thinking???  You can't do this!!!"

I woke with the mindset that I was going to hydrate the heck out of myself, throw on the FPS (Fantastically Purple Sneakers) and head out on another 6 mile attempt. But then, I took a glance at a reminder email from the NMSS that I've not registered for 'housing'. Housing is referring to a camp with - and I quote - RUSTIC cabins shared among 12-16 women. There are 2 toilets and 2 showers. Um? Here's a math equation for the masses:

Tina + 11-15 others + 2 toilets = Tina using the shower stall/area behind cabin/woods/middle of grassy field as a toilet.

(I went to college, people...I've never lost the ability to go wherever I can find) 

There is an alternative of a hotel. For $89. I don't think so.

Listen, I don't mean to grumble...I'm just a light-sleeping woman who needs ample rest, ample coffee, ample gatorade packets, and ample toilets. I'm trying to walk 30 miles for goodness sake! I'm nervous enough about the walk, much less adding the possibility of total exhaustion into the mix! Nevermind peeing in the woods...

And then it hit me. I probably can't do this. I'm not the strong, athletic, stamina-filled person I was pre-1999. I may still possess the mindset, but that could actually be working against me. I'm sometimes a little too stubborn for my own good ;-)

Just as I began to feel pretty defeated, something in me said: "this isn't about some 30mi walk...this is about the process."

The process? Go on, self. You have my attention.

Ooooh. Like how I've met new neighbors I wouldn't have known had I not be walking new roads? Noticed new scenery I never thought about while driving by in my car? Or was it how I stuck out like a sore thumb over in the new development on account of how my exercise outfit isn't tiny and cute and matching? Not that one? I've gone too far again? Sorry, self. I'm refocused:-) Yeah, those are great things, but you're right...the process is about how each walk is spent in conversation with the Lord. And how, lately, I've been having these mental 'replays' in which I'm specifically recalling the huge ways He has worked in my life. My heart is always uplifted. My mind is always focused on grace and mercy. I'm always overwhelmed with thankfulness. And sometimes, I even find myself with a few happy tears in my eyes:-)

The reality doesn't matter if I'm physically able to walk 30 miles, or if some of that time is spent on a golf cart. It really is the process. The love of family and friends. The time spent with the Lord. When I'm walking with Him (even if 'walking' isn't meant in a literal sense), there is comfort and peace. No matter what.

Healer of my heart, walk with me...

(love how they tried to put lyrics to a Kim Walker-Smith song. Pssht! Kim sings from the heart! No time for adhering to lyrics! Putting this on my iHat. It's 15mins long. That'll get me at least 3/4ths of a mile...thank you, Kim!)

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