Sunday, September 22, 2013

Sunday Morning Flares

Sunday mornings are always times of great reflection.  The house is quiet.  The coffee is steaming.  And my 'Elevation Worship' Pandora station is on...just loud enough to where I can hear the words.

My mind - yes, the 200mph one - gears up for the service we'll head off to. And the fun things we'll do as a family, even if that means simply watching tv together. Basically, Sundays are my favorite days :-)

...which is probably why this Sunday started out a little too sappy for the likes of me.

See, I've got this pesky flare that doesn't want to let go quite yet.  I have to say ms is definitely an interesting condition.  I mean, not everyone can say they have stabbing pains in their shins, vibrations in their feet, electric shocks in their face...and could seriously just sleep through every bit of that.  MS is the condition that loves me back.  Why just last night, I got a hug from it - in my chest.  I stood there for a moment and wondered if that squeezy pain was cardiac in nature, because I never felt that near my heart before.  But?  I decided I was too tired to go to the hospital.  I literally thought in my mind, "if this is a major medical emergency, I'm seriously too tired to have it."  This.  This is what 2 weeks worth of constant-yet-random pains will do to my mental capacity.

You all feel me.

Fast forward to Sunday morning.  Today, the present tense.  First day of fall - or 'autumn' for the proper folks - my favorite season.  Steaming coffee.  Gentle, chilly breeze outside.  But...I'm worn down by these shooting pains.  Feeling so over it all.  Bending my head down to see if the L'hermittes sign is any better.  Meh.  Maybe a little, it all blends together right now.  Feeling annoyed.  Actually, feeling like I don't have much tolerance left.  Asking God when this will be over with because it's not fitting very well into my life.  Asking if I can please hurt tomorrow in lieu of today, because COME ON!  Sunday is my favorite day!  Click 'play' on the worship station and try to focus my mind on what's most important.  And hear the following:

"...all who hurt with nothing left, will know that You are holy.  And all will sing out hallelujah!"

Enter that awkward moment when you try to fight the fact that your eyes are doing that waterish thing.  Sniffling.  Swallow down that giant lump in throat.  I'm so not crying...until I hear:

"Shout it.  Go on and scream it from the mountains.  Go on and tell it to the masses.  That He is God..."

Enter full on tears.  Staring down into coffee, quickly looking up so as not to get tears in it and water down the caffeine.  Finding that, suddenly, I have a little more 'tolerance'.  I realize that today is going to be another painful day.  But in a few minutes, my family will be awake and carrying on about their morning with no idea that mommy was absolutely and completely losing her stuff just before they came downstairs.  The basset hound knew, because he tried to lay on my foot and I was all, "seriously???  Do you not know I have a knife in that ankle and my foot is vibrating like a lawn mower?"  Poor dog.  Looking at me as if I'm an extra special kind of crazy.

:::deep breath:::

I will sing it in my heart.  He is God.  He is my strength and my comfort.  I can do all things through Him...

And now I'm called to settle a disagreement between my kids.  See?  I really don't have time to devote to medical issues.

Be blessed, people.  Know that I lift all of us up when I ask the Lord for a little extra measure of physical tolerance today.  Because I do...



Muffie said...

Ah, Tina, this disease just stinks! ((hugs)) and be better.

Tina said...

Amen to that, Muff! Bless you and yours <3