Well, let me be clear. I went there to talk. You see, I've been trying to understand what's behind the new and all too fun monthly migraines, which have morphed into monthly wake-up-from-sound-sleep-feeling-as-if-I'm-having-a-heart-attack episodes. Let's follow the soul train of doctor visits...
I started with my neurologist over a year ago for the migraines. She told me I was most likely entering pre-menopause (YAY!!!), thus the monthly occurrences. She gave me a pill that made me feel as if I was Linda Blair, thrown around the room, up against ceiling, slammed to floor. I traded up for a more mild and civilized pill that my primary care physician gave me. That one just makes me feel like I'm on the magic carpet ride. Not long ago, the heart attack thing started on a monthly basis, so I sought the advice of...my local ER! After countless tests, the cardiologist deemed me healthy. The cardiologist then recommended I see my gynecologist. So not the doctor I would've thought to see with episodes of tachycardia and left sided numbness, but who am I to argue? Those who know me will so laugh at that.
Fast forward to gyn visit. Let me begin by saying...neatest lady ever. I see the Nurse Practitioner, because NP's are right up my alley. They take the time to listen to me, thus making me feel like the copay was worth it, explain things thoroughly, and send me on my way a little smarter than I came in. Anyway, she comes in and is all, "Tina, girl! I haven't seen you in...let me see here (opens chart to check last note)...3 years! How ya been!" Love her. So I explained how I wanted her opinion on this monthly migraine/heart attack combo. We begin the "talk it out" phase and go back and forth...can't give you this pill, it's been known to make migraines worse. Can't give you that pill, it can do this and that. So we delve more into how the heart thing happens. I wake up from a sound sleep, feeling as if I'm dying. Got anything for that? Hmmm...
CRNP: "could be panic attacks"
me: "yeah I thought about that, but this is monthly."
CRNP: "do you snore? Could be an apneic episode."
me: "nope."
CRNP: "could it have anything to do with ms?"
MS: "oh please. Just stop it. Not everything is my fault, alright?"
me: "eh, who knows"
CRNP: "I think you should have a sleep study done to rule out apnea. Otherwise, since there's nothing I can really give you...."
me, with familiar smile: "I understand."
Story of my life.
Slooooowly walked back to car, $50 lighter in the checkbook, no real solution to yet more health wonders. It was pouring down rain. I didn't care. Well, until my eyes began to sting from the hairspray running into them. Then I picked up the pace a little.
I sat in my car, dripping, and got all like...overwhelmed by sadness. What! Where'd that come from??? I'll tell you where. I was sick of it, all of it. Sick of being allergic and intolerant to medicines that help most other folks. Sick of new health stuff. Sick of not being able to see right out of this stupid left eye, and sick of wondering when my sight will be back to 100%. Or if. Sick of being tired...every...day. And why is it that every time I decide to sit down to create a blog post, my cat perches next to my chair and proceeds to stare at me without blinking? That freaks me out. She totally throws me off my groove as I'm trying to write. Ugh.
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| Seriously? What IS that!?! For an hour...staring...like this. Unphased by camera. |
But anyway, mind freak cats aside, the point of my post was to remind myself that ms, and migraines, and wacky heart symptoms, and every other affliction and sadness and hurt...are just temporary. That came to me on my drive home, wipers on "holy crap" speed, eye playing tricks on me. Also temporary? Visits to the gynecologist. But I digress. As weird as that all may sound, because I even felt weird thinking it, is as comforting as it is to know.
"When The Healing Comes" - Lisa Bevill
And when the healing comes
Whether here and now, or in the clouds
I’ll be loving you and my faith will stay
Right here and I’ll hold on
Can’t nobody move me
I’ll be first in line, when the healing comes
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